im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
