I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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