Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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