everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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