On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize