Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
