I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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