I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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