actually, I'm a sock model
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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