hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
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I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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