so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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