i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
