How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
