Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
