I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
