omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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