OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
