Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
