I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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