I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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