I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
