i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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