You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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