Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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