the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
