I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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