You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
