this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
