You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize