just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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