It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
