Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it's like heaven, but drunker
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
