I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
