Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
