Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
