You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
