well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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