just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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