and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
