You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
