please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
