you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
