is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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