it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
