she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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