My cat gives me a boner
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
