Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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