I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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