If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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