No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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