It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
