First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
