I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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