Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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