im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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