sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
