i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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