R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
