why didn't you poke me back
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
