Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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