i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
