We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
