Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize