I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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