Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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