This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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