We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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