Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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